Thoughts on Milk

Recently Chrissy Teigen shared on social media a video of her desperately trying to save some spilled breastmilk. Nursing moms, current and former rallied in solidarity, keenly aware of how hard won that "liquid gold" can be.

Today I visited my local hospital's lactation clinic, and once again was struck by how absolutely lucky I am to be so supported in my efforts to successfully feed my infants, no matter how that ends up looking. With my first three infants, I was incredibly blessed with a plentiful supply and no real problems with latching or bleeding. I've known other moms who struggled so hard, physically and emotionally to breastfeed. Since I'd had it so easy in the past when I found out I was pregnant with twins this time, I planned on exclusively breastfeeding, thinking that my body would easily adjust to the demand.

I was so beautifully naive. I had no idea how soul wrenchingly difficult a twin pregnancy carried to 38 weeks is on a 36 year old body. I also couldn't predict how these little guys' personalities would enter into the equation. Baby "b" came out a sturdy 7 pounds 6 ounces, but then proceeded to be so chill and sleepy that he didn't do his part to bring in my twin milk supply. Being a seasoned veteran of breastfeeding I knew all the tricks to keeping a sleepy newborn awake to nurse. This guy stubbornly defied all the conventional methods and proceeded to lose weight. The lactation nurses checked in on me during their hospital rounds to find a completely emotionally heightened, sleep deprived mom with a stubborn perfectionist streak. I firmly believe in all circumstances that "fed is best" but I still felt like a failure if I couldn't nurse my twins. I was a hot mess.

I went home from the hospital still trying to do it on my own, but with the knowledge that there was a clinic available if I needed help. About a week later I finally acknowledged that I needed help and showed up to the clinic for the first time.

These amazing nurses patiently sat with me and listened to my fears about using formula and my milk supply, and came up with a plan that kept my twins healthy, me sane (or at least approaching the neighborhood) while still doing everything I could to breastfeed. It was exhausting, but ultimately successful. After weeks of following their plan and supplementing with both formula and pumped milk (it was a brutal schedule of nursing, bottle feeding, pumping, trying to catch a nap every 3-4 hours around the clock) my supply caught up.

I'm forever grateful for a free program for moms of every walk of life that is so supportive, educational and nurturing. They helped reassure me in my crazed, hormonal state that formula was a great tool for my babies. They also provided breastfeeding support and weighed them every week so I had reassurance that they were getting enough to eat.

We need to invest more into programs like this in our communities. I know I'm incredibly privileged to live where I live, and to have access to a program such as this. It shouldn't be an accident of birth or circumstance tho, every baby born in this country deserves to have a community surrounding it supportive of its basic growth and development needs.

Access to women's healthcare, especially in lower income and rural communities is in many cases absolutely appalling. We need to do better to provide resources and support. No matter your political views, we should all be able to agree that programs like this should be funded for all moms and babies.